Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Chapter 12: Heartbreak

Haley Scholars Fall 2013 Reading Groups

"It's as if we regard other people as psychological crystals, with everything important refracted to the visible surface, while regarding ourselves as psychological icebergs, with the majority of what matters submerged and invisible" (258). -- Kathryn Schulz

Chapter 12, "Heartbreak" in Kathryn Schulz's book Being Wrong focuses on "why people are so wrong, so often, about love" (249). At the same time though, the chapter is about the deep craving among humans to keep "the terror of isolation in check" (259).

Of the topics that Schulz covered in the chapter, what did you find most useful? Why? Please identify the page number for the concept or idea that you cite. 

9 comments:

Brenda W said...

The topic that I found most useful in the chapter was the section/pages about how our attachment to our own sense of rightness runs deep into our lives(pgs 270-272). In previous chapters, Schulz discussed how our sense of rightness affects us on a broader scope. However, I did not realize how it can impact us on a more personal and intimate level. Schulz said that in relationships, a huge problem is we are unable to let go of our own sense or rightness and therefore are unable to accept disagreement. When we are so stuck on believing we are right, we are unable to see how we can not only be wrong, but can also learn from our partner's points of view. I found this particularly useful because I have run into issues like this in my own life, and had never attributed my sense of rightness to be a factor of the problem.

Conradette King said...

I really thought that the part about how are sense of rightness can effect our personal relationships. Being right is very important to people and it sometimes is a greater value than the feelings of another person. We believe that we are right and will defend our opinion to the very end. This means that we may even hurt the people we love the most just so that we can say we are right.

monique williams said...

My favorite part in the reading was on page 272 "And it is not about unchanging love. It is about love changing us." I am getting married in less then 2 months and this reading really spoke volumes to me. My relationship with my fiancé has changed my life drastically. Of course our relationship isn't a fairytale in which we never disappoint one another or never disagree. But our relationship is based off of learning from one another. We are so different in so many ways and I am blessed to have those differences because he gives me a different perspective on alot of things. We both take our views of the world and make them our own.

Tia S. said...

I thought the explanations of the errors of love were useful (pg 264). Our culture has this fantasy narrative of love and she acknowledges that as a general error. Most love stories are about soul mates, eternal love, and happily ever after. This just serves to make us feel even more heart break when we experience specific error; when that relationship doesn't work out. Perhaps you were wrong about that person or that person did wrong to you. Whatever the reason, Schulz describes this error as one that can't be eliminated and that we shouldn't want it to be. This part was useful because it reminds you that's how real love works sometimes and we shouldn't feel so ashamed. This message can be obvious, but sometimes people forget it.

Jessica Oranika said...

I found the idea that we make inferences on other people and think that we know them based on information that we reject for ourselves (2nd paragraph of page 258 very useful. I found it, along with the chart of peoples responses on the previous page, useful because it shows that we have a certain unconscious hypocrisy when it comes to judging people and if you know better then hopefully you will do better.

Sandra Nnoung said...

I really enjoyed the part in the reading on page 265 where she talks about how letting go of romantic love means letting go of the protection it gives against loneliness. I liked how she said "we must think of love as wholly removed from the earthly imperfect realm of theory-making." For love to fulfill the image we all want, we need to separate in from all the wrongness of this world. We should not use love to make others or ourselves feel like we are wrong about a situation.

Jennifer Johnson said...

the most interesting part in the section about heartbreak was when Schulz talks about how we expect things to be like fairy tales when it comes to relationships, therefore when things like disagreements happen, its hard to accept.But sometimes, through these disagreements, individuals are able to learn new things from one another and create an understanding

Ke'Asha jones said...

I found the concept on page 262 to be very interesting because she was talking about the quote "I cant Lie Without you" and how we say that our partner is the other part of us that makes us whole and how we would like to believe they would never cheat on us we would never cheat on them and all that but the reality off the situation is that we fall in and out of love regularly we can be in love with someone for years and then suddenly not feel the same way about them. This is useful because it goes to show that the many times we will fall in love and think that we have found the right one but really we have only found the right one for that time.

Stelisa J. said...

I was intrigued at how Schurz broke down the idea of love and related it to error and wrongness. From pages 261- 264, she explains how love is considered error. The whole concept of love can lead to a series of misconceptions and mistakes. At first someone believes they have found their soul mate and cannot live without their significant other. As quickly as someone falls in love they can fall out of love as well. Leading to the idea, “In short, we are wrong about love routinely. There’s even a case to be made that love is error, or at least likely to lead us there.” People repeatedly believe they are in love not because of true feelings but because of the template given by culture. As time goes on the quest for “true love” can be difficult but fulfilling in the end.